THEN I will be happy

I've been having some insights lately and this one was so big, I decided to share it.

Before I met my husband, I thought, if only I could find "the one" THEN I would be happy. When I met him and decided he was "the one" I thought, once we get married THEN I will be happy. Once we were married I thought, when we have children, THEN I will be happy. After we had children I thought, once we buy our own house, THEN I will be happy. After we bought our own house and the alcohol began to cause problems I thought, when he gets sober THEN I will be happy. When he got sober and we tried to work on our marriage I thought, we will work out our problems and get back together and THEN I will be happy.

I've spent my entire life making my happiness dependent on other people and external events. It saddens me to think of all the joy I must have missed along the way because I was so focused on the future and the next thing that would make me happy.

I've finally learned that I could've been happy all along. All those things I thought would make me happy didn't and happiness has been inside me the whole time. I just refused to accept it. I'm so grateful to have finally found it. I just wasn't looking in the right place. :)

I hope this means something to someone out there. I was going to write it in my journal, but it felt like something that needed to be shared..............

L