Perplexed

Things are so different around here. Very strange, odd, and overall I feel as though I'm living with someone that I don't know or maybe I never did. We no longer share a bedroom. I kicked him out of the bedroom after he got home last Sunday. We no longer even talk, besides small exchanges of words that equal a sentence. He glares at me as I walk by him. We buy seperate groceries and prepare our meals seperately. Its as though I'm living with a roommate, and it's weird. Last night I was so furious that I yelled at him. I pray everyday that I can remain focused and not go off on my rants of insanity.

Last weekend I think (I hope) I reached my bottom after Abf proceded to leave me alone all weekend to go and party with his A Uncle and A Father. I know that others on this board have been put through a lot more, but I don't want to. Although sometimes I doubt myself and think-- should I give him another chance? Deep down inside I know better.

I actually called about some houses today and plan to go to an open house on Saturday, hoping I can find something that doesn't require great credit and will allow my dogs.

Deep down inside I have a lot of fear and it hurts me to leave him behind. I still love him, but it's hard loving the disease. I just hope that when it comes down to it, I can move out of here and won't soften up and feel sorry for him.

I just needed to vent and put my thoughts out there...I'm so thankful for this board:)